


Why did I give you my number?

by ilovemanicures



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Teen Titans - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Multi, No Plot/Plotless, Texting, inappropriate language, mentions of adult-ish situations, this fic is so stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9565235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovemanicures/pseuds/ilovemanicures
Summary: In which a lot of people question their relationships/friendships/and just over all sanity.





	1. Fatherhood

**Author's Note:**

> This is a result of being on Tumblr/Pinterest WAY to much...

Bruce: Why are all my underwear in the refrigerator?

 

 

Dick: Why do you assume I'd know the answer to that?

 

 

Bruce: Answer the question, Dick.

 

 

Dick: Fine. The kids thought it would help you "chill out". And Alfred agreed after you blew up on Tim for wanting to bring Kon to the next WE fundraiser, and kept referring to him as "the clone boy".

 

 

Bruce: ...

 

 

Dick: Yeah. You suck. Lol

 

 

Bruce: This is why Cassandra is my favorite. She would have just kicked my ass and called it a day. Now I have to defrost my damn boxers and look out for more childish pranks.

 

 

Dick: Ah. The joys of fatherhood~

 

 

Dick: Wait. What do you mean Cass is your favorite?!

 

 

* * *

 

Roy: Hey, can you guys babysit Lian tonight?

 

 

Ollie: I'm sorry. Who is this?

 

 

Roy: Ha ha. I get it, I haven't checked in with you guys in awhile. I'm sorry.

 

 

Ollie: Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

 

 

Roy: Stop being so damn immature, you asshole. I said I was sorry. Now can you watch her or not..?

 

 

Ollie: The number you're trying to reach has been changed or disconnected. Please hang up and try again later.

 

 

Roy: You suck. I'm calling Dinah.

 

 

Ollie: No no! I'm sorry. Yes, of course we'll watch her tonight.

 

 

Dinah: ...

 

 

Ollie: Ah shit...

 

* * *

 

 

Barry: Hey, how's it going over there?

 

 

Wally: ...

 

 

Barry: What's wrong, Kid?

 

 

Wally: ...I don't wanna talk about it.

 

 

Barry: Oh my God. What happened? Is Bart ok? Did you guys burn the house down? Ah crap, Iris is gonna kill me for leaving you two alone together!

 

 

Wally: Uncle B, relax. Everything's... fine. The house is, anyway.

 

 

Barry: Ok... And your cousin?

 

 

Wally: Bart... he's uh. Well I went to check on him and kinda walked in on...

 

 

Barry: In on...?

 

 

Wally: Oh God. Please don't make me say it.

 

 

Barry: Kid, you're scaring me. What did you walk in on?

 

 

Wally. Ah, hell. I thought YOU were supposed to be the COOL uncle and just GET IT. Whatever. If you must know, I walked in on him... well, let me put it to you like this. He was RELAXING... if you catch my drift.

 

 

Barry: ... ... ...

 

 

Wally: Yeah.

 

 

Barry: ...ROFLLMFAOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

 

Wally: I hate you.

 

 

Barry: Pay backs a bitch! Now you know how I felt walking in on you jerking off to a Gotham tabloid with Dick Grayson's picture on it! Ha! This seriously just made my day.

 

 

Wally: Oh c,mon! That was like, 6 years ago! You couldn't just let that one die, could you?

 

 

Barry: Nope! ;D

 

 

Bruce: What. The. Fuck.

 

 

Barry: Bruce? What are you... oh no.

 

 

Diana: ...

 

 

Arthur: ...

 

 

Hal: ...

 

 

Wally: You SERIOUSLY made this a group message??? I HATE YOU!!!!! TTTwTTT

 

 

Bruce: ...I hate you too.

 

 

Diana: Agreed.

 

 

Arthur: Yes, I also agree.

 

 

Hal: ... ... ... This shit is hilarious xDDD

 

 

Barry: @Hal IKR?! #PayBacksABitch #TeenagersAmIRight #BruceIsEvenMoreScarredNow #DidntThinkThatWasPossible


	2. Oh brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group texting never leads to anything good.

Jason: Hey, does my hair look weird to you guys? *attachs image of himself at a awkward angle in the bathroom mirror*

 

Dick: Jay, its 3AM...

 

Tim: Are you wearing my t-shirt??? O_o

 

Damian: Todd, remove me from this string of stupidity at once.

 

Jason: Shut up Dickhead. It's not like any of us weren't already awake.

 

Jason: Um. No Tim. I am wearing MY t-shirt. Thank you very much.

 

Jason: Sorry brat. Once you've been added to a group text you cannot be unadded #SorryNotSorry Now can you assholes actually ANSWER my damn question?????????

 

Dick: Your hair looks exactly the same Jayjay. Go to sleep. Ps. I think Tim is right, I saw him wearing that exact same shirt last time I was at the mansion.

 

Tim: Aha! Theif!

 

Damian: I hate you all.

 

Jason: Fuck you Tim, you STOLE this shirt from ME and once I found out I took it back.

 

Dick. Ah. That makes sense. Tim has been known to steal people's clothes.

 

Tim: You people sit on a throne of lies!

 

Jason: What do you mean YOU people!?

 

Dick: What do YOU mean you people!?

 

Damian: Idiots. Absolute idiots.

 

Damian: And yes Drake. You do steal articles of clothing from members of this family. I am still waiting for you to return my basketball shorts. If you do not return them by the end of the week I must warn you that there will be  consequences.

 

Tim: Shut up Demond brat. I ain't afraid of no ghost.

 

Dick: He ain't afraid of no ghost!

 

Jason: None of this shit is helpful to my situation.

 

Dick: Yeah... I'd like to go to sleep now.

 

Tim: Stop being an old man, Dick. Speaking of old man, you're obviously going bald Jaybird.

 

Jason: OHMAHGAWIKNEWIT!!!!

 

Dick: He's not being serious Jayjay. Tim, tell him you're just teasing.

 

Tim: Give me back my shirt and I'll tell you what I really think about your hair.

 

Jason: Fine! You can have the damn shirt. I'll bring it with me when I come to the manor on Saturday. You are going to be there, right?

 

Dick: Of course he will be.

 

Tim: You do not get to answer that for me Dick. And idk, I'll see.

 

Dick&Jason: WHAT!?

 

Tim: What what?

 

Dick: In the butt!

 

Jason: Lol but seriously Timmers. What the hell? I only started going to these stupid things because YOU wouldn't stop nagging!?

 

Dick: Yeah Timmy. We don't really get to see you anymore...

 

Tim: Guys. I never said I WOULDN'T go. Just that I'll SEE. You all know I've been busy with WE, Titans biz, patrol etc. it's not like I'm skipping out on purpose...

 

Damian: Cease this incessant babbling at once. Todd, your hair is no more atrocious than is considered normal for you. Grayson, stop making Drake think he is welcome in my home. Drake stop barging into my home, eating my food, stealing my clothes and making me endure your insufferable company.

 

Dick: ...

 

Jason: ...

 

Tim: ...

 

Damian: That is all. Goodnight.

 

Tim: I feel like Steph should be here to snap her fingers and go "ohh buuuuurn!"

 

Dick: IKR!?

 

Jason: ...So you guys REALLY don't think I'm losing hair?

 

Dick&Tim&Damian: Oh my God SHUT UP JASON!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments/kudos are always appreciated :)


	3. Adult much?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aren't you a little too old for this kind of behavior?

Bruce: Richard.

 

Dick: Bruce.

 

Bruce: I was going through the credit card statements.

 

Dick: ...And?

 

Bruce: Well. Aside from Tim ordering $800 worth of imported coffee beans, Damian charging $500 on some type of bird, and Jason charging $300 at Whole Foods... I found something a little strange.

 

Dick: ASIDE? Meaning you DO NOT find all of that abnormal??? O_o

 

Bruce: Just explain to me why you did it?

 

Dick: Did what? I don't understand.

 

Bruce: I'm not upset, Dick. Just explain to me why, and I won't dispute the charge.

 

Dick: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

 

Bruce: The donation Dick. This is about the $3000 you supposedly "donated".

 

Dick: Oh. That. Yeah, this lady was passing flyers, trying build awareness or whatever. And when I saw it I noticed that the cat on the cover looked so sad... so I gave her what she said they needed to start making a difference, or something.

 

Bruce: ...You don't even know what their "cause" is, do you?

 

Dick: Yeah... no. But sad kitty, Bruce!

 

Bruce: ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment/Kudos are always appreciated :)


	4. Titans Go! (Away)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep deprived Tim. That is all.

Tim: Why are we all here? What is our purpose in this word? Does anything we do even matter in the grand scheme of things? O_o

 

Kon: Rob it's 4am. What the actual fuck??? è_é

 

Cassie: Of course what we do matters, Tim. Now go to sleep. You'll feel better once you get at least 8hrs of shut-eye ;)

 

Gar: Dick used to only bug Wally with this kind of weird stuff... /: #SoTired #StopTheGroupText

 

Rachel: That's true. Even Kori was spared from Dick's inner monologue...

 

Tim: I honestly didn't expect any of you to respond... Why are you all up at this hour?

 

Everyone: -_-

 

Tim: Seriously. If the little message alert really bothers you that much, you could just turn your phones off :P

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

Tim: Hello?


End file.
